Mike bought himself a cool birthday present, a surplus soviet rifle.
Its big and it comes with a bayonet. He is very, very happy.
It came covered, inside and out, with a protective gunk (why yes, that is the technical term) called cosmoline. As soon as I heard I thought "That can't be Russian because it sounds like a Utah name".
If anyone out there is going to have a baby and is wondering what to name it, wonder no more. If you let me name your baby Cosmoline (or variations: Kosmaleen, Cosmalene, or Kosmoline), I will give you a $50 savings bond for little Cosmo. Baby has to be named by September 30th and the name has to appear on their birth certificate.
IF someone takes me up on this offer I will post the lucky baby's photo here.
Don't all rush at once!
PS - Also acceptable is CosmoLink (yes the L has to be capitolized), but only if you promise to tell people you chose the name because you are a big Seinfeld/Zelda fan.