Don't blame me if you get the bottom of this post and wonder what happened to the last 5 minutes of your life, you've been warned.
Here is a short list of recent favorite overheard comments.
"POLKA DOT RAIN BOOTS, I said, POLKA DOT RAIN BOOTS!"
"But WHY do you have a pitchfork in the car?"
"I can't help it if you're stupid, like read a book or something man, you're embarassing yourself."
The following was posted by a male friend of a friend:
"When life is hard I just tell myself: At least you're not carrying Kanye's baby."
And here is a conversation I overheard in the grocery store a couple weeks ago.
Girl 1: "So how was dinner at your mom's house?"
Girl 2: "It was good. Oh my gosh I almost forgot to tell you. My dad was watching the Brady Bunch and mom came in to tell us that dinner was ready and she looked at the TV and was all like 'Oooooh I'd forgotten how hot that Brady dad looks in a suit'."
Girl 1: "Ewwwwwwww gross, so gross."
Girl 2: "I know, right?"
Girl 1: "Yeah 'cause everyone knows that Greg was the hot one."
Girl 2: *stunned silence* then she waved her hand in her friend's face "Um you need to go and wait for me over by the milk for like at least 5 minutes because I can't be your friend right now...so so gross."
Girl 1: "What?!?"
Then a few days ago I overhead a different conversation where 2 kids were debating about whether the mom and dad on the Brady Bunch had been divorced or widowed by their previous spouses. I interjected that I didn't care what happened to the former Mr. Carol and Mrs. Mike but what the heck did Carol do all day if they had a live in house keeper, it's not like you ever saw her going to work or the PTA. They just stared at me like I was crazy.
That night I had a bizarre dream involving the Brady Bunch episode where they all go to Hawaii. Only in my dream Mr. Brady leaves the family in Hawaii and goes home alone and throws a wild party at the house. When Carol calls him to find out where he is, he tells her he wants a divorce because he's gay and dating Eric Estrada now. Then I woke up, then I went back to sleep and had the exact same dream., then I woke up again and said out loud "Really? Really subconscious? What was the point of that?".
Then I got worried that I was talking to my subconscious and did was every rational adult would do in this situation, I went to the computer and googled what dreams about the Brady Bunch mean. I found this, and decided to be glad I hadn't had that dream. Then that led to looking up the Brady Bunch on Wikipedia which led to me clicking so many links that I'd lost the page I was originally looking at and ended up on the page about Robert Reed who played Mike Brady and I found out that he was gay. Guys, this can mean only one of two things:
#1 - I had heard or read that fact years ago and had completely forgotten that I knew it and all the Brady Bunch chatter I've been overhearing allowed it to percolate to the surface.
#2 - I'm psychic. But only when I'm asleep. And only about stuff that has no practical application. And only about stuff that has already happened. And only about people I don't actually know.
I'm kind of leaning towards #2, what do you think? In other dream news, I've decided to never again read anything by Neil Gaiman right before going to bed. It gives you the kind of dreams that when someone says "live your dreams!" you want to reply "Oh, hell no!".
See? I warned you that you'd regret reading this post.