Sunday, February 03, 2013

Don't Wait

So while browsing facebook this afternoon I saw my friend Fiona had posted this link that she had found on our mutual friend Peter's page.  Fiona and Peter are two people who fall squarely into the "common sense" and "trustworthy" categories and I value their opinions, so I decided to read it, and I am so glad I did.

I love taking photos.  This is only something that I recently re-discovered.  I was a photo major in college but dropped out when I realized that while I took some good photos, I wasn't great...and never would be.  But while I was a photo major I loved being the one behind the camera, it was my shield and my protection.  Not wanting to have my photo taken isn't something new or newly re-discovered, it is a long held phobia.  I am not photogenic and being in front of a camera makes me nauseated, especially if I'm the only person in the shot.  Now I wished I'd been able to read this woman's blog years ago.

Read it for yourself.

My friends I am guilty of this.  This line hit me like a slap in the face:
I haven’t had professional pictures done since our wedding in 2006 . . . always waiting for this elusive moment where I would be thin enough (pretty enough) to have such a permanent record of me. Because, you know, HEAVEN FORBID there be any proof that I look the way I actually look.
The last time I had my photo professionally taken was at my engagement photos and wedding in 2007.  Before that I think it was when I got my second passport in 1999.  Before that it was the mandatory school photos in high school.  Not including of course the obligatory massive family photos we'd take everytime someone got married.  Those were easy, you just slip in near the back of the crowd and crouch down and hope that as little of you shows as possible.

I am who I am.  I did not, in point of fact, win the genetic lottery that is required to be tall, thin, and gorgeous.  But I am unique and beautiful in my own way, even if I do have an extra (and unwanted) chin, dimple, or love handle about my person.  I love my beautiful friends and family regardless of size, shape, color, or style...and challenges they may have with those things.  I love to take photos of them to remind me of them and the good times we have together.  But getting me into a photo, especially by myself, almost takes an electric cattle prod.  If I am going to continue to take photos of people I need to be more willing to be photographed myself so at the very least I can say "Hey, I get it, I hate it too, but I still do it and here's why..."

That was me then.  For better and worse, that is not me now.
 This was me on my wedding day almost 6 years ago.  Back then I started a new life with photos to commemorate the occasion.  I've recently decided now that I am single again I should have some professional photos taken to mark the start of this new path in my life.  Because whatever happens and where ever I go, I want to be able to look back at me now and remember that I was strong (even though I didn't always feel like it) that I was happy (even though I went through something sad) and that I was beautiful in my own way (even if I sometimes felt like the biggest frump in the world).

Sometime soon I plan on trading massage for photos from some of my very talented photog friends.  Some will be by myself and some with be with faithful companion, Molly the Wonder Dog.  But all will appreciated because they will be capturing me in this moment in time so I can look back and remember who I was and where I was in my life.  I'll post some here when I have them.  Please do the same for yourself, you are beautiful and you are worth it, don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

No comments: