Thursday, June 19, 2014

Thoughts On Dating

As a divorced person I've been wading through the shallow waters of the 30+ adult dating pool again for the last 2 years.  There have been good dates, bad dates (oh the bad dates *sigh*, the stories I could tell), mediocre dates, and a lot of "hang outs". 

Speaking as one who is still a little gun-shy about marriage but interested in meeting people and being open to possibilities; I don't want a "boyfriend" I don't even necessarily want a "husband", I simply want a real MAN in my life.  I don't care about labels or what society expects, I care about being with someone who wants to be with me, who treats me well, and who allows me to be myself, and who feels free to be himself around me.  I want to be his woman and I want him to be my man, it isn't difficult to understand.

But before you can get to that point with someone you have to brave the ridiculous gauntlet that is the grown up dating scene.  To date, no one has described it better or been more concise about what women (not girls, not chicks, not galpals) want in a date and a potential relationship, than this guy:

http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/06/19/dear-single-men-time-man-figure/

That isn't to say that we don't want to have fun and be silly from time to time.  It means that we want people who aren't careless with our feelings.  It means that we want people who know how to be responsible adults (ie: you have a job, you pay your bills, you have healthy relationships with the people in your life, you are kind, you are thoughtful, you take care of your home/apt/trailer/abode of choice, you have communication skills and actually use them, you understand and own your responsibilities).  It means we appreciate honest and frank communication from you about what your expectations are, in return we will try to give you the same courtesies that you show us.

Up until about a month ago I had given up on actually ever being on a date where the man planned something, picked me up, drove, opened doors, treated me with respect and genuine interest, and had meaningful conversations.  Luckily I've met a few interesting men who took a chance on me and I've gone on several good dates lately. 

Does that mean I'm in a relationship with any of these gentlemen?  No, I'm not delusional.  Does it mean that I immediately want to marry any of them after the first date?  No, I'm not that desperate.  Does it mean that I'd be interested in spending more time with these guys and getting to know them better and giving it a chance to develop into something more if we are both into each other?  Heck Yes!

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